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life is just so uggg right now and i am not talk about the shoes or boots or whatever they are  i mean life is complicated and stressful sometimes i wonder things like is it worth it all will it ever change sometimes i wish things could go back to like they were before  they werent that great but it was better than now and if i could go back i would change some things or at least try  :( i just feel like i am dealing with it alone :( i need to excercise not just for health or to get into shape but its supposed to help with stress  but  really for me thats not even the right word i just feel so ............... sad i guess and more like   ............welll not even sure what to put there sometimes i wonder is this a nightmare or a dream am i sleeping sometimes it feels like things that happen they just seem so bad that it could never happen in really life
*sigh**************  i dont want my life to be like it is but its difficult to change things  sometimes i feel like just crying and crying till i cant cry anymore or i stop or run out of tears all te stuff going on just makes me sad no one understands  i try and i think they try some but it just doesnt fit

i should excercise more  if only to escape a little bit from everything going on   sometimes i wonder whats the point of it all?
why should i get  up why should i do this  or that theres no purpose its not like i am going to make a difference in any ones life how will i make a change or affect  someone elses life in a good way how will they benefit from knowing me or how will i be able to help them in anyway  how can i help them when i cant even help my self i wish things could change  for the better  just thinking about the things that i think will happen and not for the better it will be worse it makes me want to cry  as i am writing this and thinking about all the complications in my life all the bad stuff i feel like crying

everyone wants to know the purpose of life and so on and much much more what i want to know is

What is my purpose?

i feel like theres something else i should be doing but i dont know what 

its like knowing you forgot something but cant remember what  i wish i had a cristal ball to help me

i will just have to suffer it and suffer it alone because i have no one no one that i feel i can depend on  when push comes to shove i dont think any would help who the hell knows though only God and he isnt giving me any answers about anything

i wish i had some god dammn answers to know that everything is going to be  ok and soon like tomorrow or a good day tomorrow i feel like everything is crashing down when u get bad news more bad crap happens and its like shit can life get any worse and then it does